This past year
Posted by Fiona Nevile in Cottage tales | 31 comments
Photo: Flowers I picked this morning from the garden
Three years ago when I explained my first “save money blog challenge” to my mum – not to buy cut flowers for a year – her response was immediate.
“But this is terrible. You love flowers. Why would you want to stop buying them?”
This was the toughest challenge. Far harder than cutting our weekly shopping bills by 50%.
I did plant extra perennials in the garden and gradually came to love the gentle look of these. Home grown flowers have far more life and charm than the rather stiff offerings from florists and supermarkets. In fact the challenge has continued and I have not bought cut flowers for myself for over three years now.
I had no idea that within a few years I would be growing my own flowers to sell. Now I have enough flowers to feed my passion and share with others too.
July 14th 2010 marked a whole year off work. What a year it has been. Frightening, especially in the early months, when I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Until my doctor discovered after a couple of months in that I had a severe kidney infection, I suspected that I was suffering from a much more serious condition. And when the infection finally cleared up why was I still feeling so ill?
And I still don’t really know what is wrong exactly. Chronic fatigue syndrome/ME loosely describes the condition. My neurologist reckons that stress was a key factor in developing this. Before I fell ill I was not handling stress well, everything had got out of sync. Life had become a struggle. I was running with The Red Queen
“Well, in our country,” said Alice, still panting a little, “you’d generally get to somewhere else — if you run very fast for a long time, as we’ve been doing.”
“A slow sort of country!” said the Queen. “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”
Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll
I was lucky, for years I had been collecting things. These were a sort of insurance policy that I hoped that I’d never have to cash in. I was able to sell some of these possessions to keep going financially. I remember that my voice wobbled when I first suggested this to my friend – Martin Beazor a local antiques dealer. I didn’t want to let these things go. But strangely I hardly miss them at all. If you swap inanimate objects for time and freedom there are no regrets.
Time to think, drift, plan and sleep. Looking back I needed this phase to repair and rebuild the sort of life that regenerates itself rather than one that whips along to a place of burn out. I already feel more confident and balanced. I now have time to stop and stare. After all the heartache and frustration, writing this post today I suddenly realised that this past year has been a precious gift that few are given. An enforced break may not be as limiting as it first appears.
A key goal is setting up different streams of income to replace my old earnings. Each step forward is towards a much more rounded way of life. I strongly believe that this is possible although sometimes it seems tantalisingly out of reach and I still have a long way to go.
My life saver has been writing this blog. It has been a focus for each day – a still stretch of water in a choppy sea. Here I have found friends, ideas and encouragement that make me realise that even though I might spend hours in bed dozing with just the Min Pins for company, I am still part of a vibrant community.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Your support has helped keep me keep going this past year and spurred me on to rebuild my life.
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As ever, Fiona, the thanks you extend quite rightly returns to you, ten-fold. And with all justification. Your shared insights give joy and inspiration to others around the world, an incredible example of discovering more on the flip side of life than you could ever have dreamed.
I hope you can join me in raising a toast of congratulations to yourselves. All very best wishes for the next 12 months – onwards and upwards into new discoveries ! x
Fiona, it’s good to hear the positive tones in your post. You sound like you’re starting to really plan the kind of future you want, rather than one your illness creates.
And it’s nice that the blog works two-ways.
A very encouraging post. I am going through a very stressful patch at the moment which results in me having vertigo attacks, I am currently having to review my work situation as I have so many attacks at work, but my fear is how will I manage, pay the mortgage and so on. I don’t know what will happen but it really helps to read other peoples experiences, thank you for sharing.
It’s funny what can happen when life forces a change on you that you hadn’t anticipated.
If you think about it, you’re lucky to have slowed down. Maybe not that you fell ill, of course, but that something made you change your lifestyle, and now you can enjoy a slower pace.
Good luck with getting well, and staying slow.
We went to see Rabbi Blue the other week, one piece of his wisdom stuck in my mind – it’s only through our problems that we become wise. Mmmm… he’s a very sensible man.
What you’ve had to face hasn’t been easy, but I can tell from you blog posts that you have learnt so much over the past year. And what’s more you and Danny share your discoveries with everyone who reads The Cottage Smallholder, how lucky we are 🙂
Take care Fiona, I know you’re on the mend even though it’s a long slow journey. And best wishes to Danny who has helped you to take Cottage Smallholder into an exciting new chapter.
Love from
C & C (the pickle wranglers)
and all your furry and feathered friends down the road in sunny Suffolk xxx
Am I alone in wondering how, if she was too ill to work, Jean managed to cycle all over town?
This is indeed a lovely post. You are thanking us for reading, I thank you for all the information you share: Andrew, wormery, all the recipes, gardening tips, etc. etc. Not forgetting posts such as this one.
🙂 Smiles
What a lovely post Fiona!
Stress can be a dreadful thing but out of the awfilness that it pushes us into can come good things!
Like you I got into a stressful spot 4 years ago: I developed Fibromyalgia as supposed to ME (same thing different bodily response) I also had to give up work and had to rebuild my life; I am still getting there but overall I am happier now than I have been in ages and occasionally remember to rein in when stress levels peak!!
Good luck in the future
Shelley
Thank you Fiona for such an inspirational post. What you have achieved in the last year, with your positive attitude to life, even though you have had darker times, gives real hope to lots of people. We all look forward to your blog each day. I am so glad it has helped you. We are a ‘vibrant community’ and we all care about you, Danny and of course the Min Pins!