This past year
Posted by Fiona Nevile in Cottage tales | 31 comments
Photo: Flowers I picked this morning from the garden
Three years ago when I explained my first “save money blog challenge” to my mum – not to buy cut flowers for a year – her response was immediate.
“But this is terrible. You love flowers. Why would you want to stop buying them?”
This was the toughest challenge. Far harder than cutting our weekly shopping bills by 50%.
I did plant extra perennials in the garden and gradually came to love the gentle look of these. Home grown flowers have far more life and charm than the rather stiff offerings from florists and supermarkets. In fact the challenge has continued and I have not bought cut flowers for myself for over three years now.
I had no idea that within a few years I would be growing my own flowers to sell. Now I have enough flowers to feed my passion and share with others too.
July 14th 2010 marked a whole year off work. What a year it has been. Frightening, especially in the early months, when I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Until my doctor discovered after a couple of months in that I had a severe kidney infection, I suspected that I was suffering from a much more serious condition. And when the infection finally cleared up why was I still feeling so ill?
And I still don’t really know what is wrong exactly. Chronic fatigue syndrome/ME loosely describes the condition. My neurologist reckons that stress was a key factor in developing this. Before I fell ill I was not handling stress well, everything had got out of sync. Life had become a struggle. I was running with The Red Queen
“Well, in our country,” said Alice, still panting a little, “you’d generally get to somewhere else — if you run very fast for a long time, as we’ve been doing.”
“A slow sort of country!” said the Queen. “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”
Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll
I was lucky, for years I had been collecting things. These were a sort of insurance policy that I hoped that I’d never have to cash in. I was able to sell some of these possessions to keep going financially. I remember that my voice wobbled when I first suggested this to my friend – Martin Beazor a local antiques dealer. I didn’t want to let these things go. But strangely I hardly miss them at all. If you swap inanimate objects for time and freedom there are no regrets.
Time to think, drift, plan and sleep. Looking back I needed this phase to repair and rebuild the sort of life that regenerates itself rather than one that whips along to a place of burn out. I already feel more confident and balanced. I now have time to stop and stare. After all the heartache and frustration, writing this post today I suddenly realised that this past year has been a precious gift that few are given. An enforced break may not be as limiting as it first appears.
A key goal is setting up different streams of income to replace my old earnings. Each step forward is towards a much more rounded way of life. I strongly believe that this is possible although sometimes it seems tantalisingly out of reach and I still have a long way to go.
My life saver has been writing this blog. It has been a focus for each day – a still stretch of water in a choppy sea. Here I have found friends, ideas and encouragement that make me realise that even though I might spend hours in bed dozing with just the Min Pins for company, I am still part of a vibrant community.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Your support has helped keep me keep going this past year and spurred me on to rebuild my life.
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Now you literally have time to sit back and ‘smell the roses’. It takes a lot of courage to take that step and be self-sufficient. I cannot do that with the mortgage to pay and other drains on my resources, but I try and grow some of my own flowers and veg, do some meditation, try and find a balance somewhere along the way.. I love reading your blog and seeing what you guys are up to. Having recently started my own blog, I understand how much you get out of it. Your blog friends are here for you. Keep up the good work. x
I had to give up my very well paid career because of illness 12 years ago. I was scared rigid but found that while I missed my salary dreadfully, I didn’t actually miss the work – just the people I worked with.
I will never be well enough to return to work, but found, like others, that my outgoings are far less, and that time is the most precious thing of all. I can do many of the things I enjoy if I pace myself, and really value the time to grow my veg, cook, read, sculpt, and, above all, think.
I have come to see it as a gift.
Hi Fiona,
When I was in my early 30s, I had to stop working. How was I going to manage on sick pay? I was terrified, I had been putting the decision off for months, and then one day, I knew I couldn’t fight it any more.
I managed fine. I had time to cycle ’round and buy special offers in all the supermarkets, instead of popping in to the most expensive one that was closes to me. I didn’t need an expensive wardrobe anymore, and I had time to sew my own clothes again. I went to yoga and meditation everyday.
The one and a half years I was out of the work force were some of the best days of my life, and certainly an eye opener, I thought working my butt off to give my daughter everything was the right thing to do, but I found out all my daughter wanted was me, and she flourished because I had time for her.
I look forward to reading your blog, and hearing what you, Danny and the Min Pins get up to.
Hugs
Jean
Yes, this is a wonderful thing to read, Fiona. I’m so glad you see how far you’ve come and the different things you’ve accomplished.
Just something so simple and clear as going from buying flowers every week, to growing your own, to having enough to sell to others required a lot of thinking and feeling and doing. You had to dig out all those beds. You rearranged parts of your yard to make this happen. Now your garden gives more to you and more to others.
To sit back and appreciate all of this… I am so glad you are able to feel it all.
You are a joy, and I am so glad for your life.
what a wonderfully optimistic post after such a year. It has been a privilege getting to know you two albeit over the net. Loved to watch you face each challenge with determination and that optimism.
“But strangely I hardly miss them at all. If you swap inanimate objects for time and freedom there are no regrets.”
This post is very meaningful and truthful. I love and appreciate it so much! I have just recently started reading your blog, so i haven’t known your history or circumstances. But i identify with the lesson learned.
The things we are often taught to value are really of no value at all. We miss out on the most valuable freedoms by chaining ourselves to what others have convinced us equals comfort.
A thank you to you! Your blog is a joy to read, and I look forward to each new post.
My life can be very Red Queen-like; running up the ‘down’ escalator, little legs blurring to stay in the same place. Letting go is so very difficult but so liberating. As long as we have a roof and food, we need to decide what will have been important in 100 years’ time. If it’s irrelevent then it’s not a priority now.
Easy to say, so very hard to do.
Go girl! x
What a lovely entry, Fiona. You’re so right in so many ways. We sometimes need that ‘space’.
Love and hugs to you and Danny.