Thank you. And a few thoughts on love.
Posted by Fiona Nevile in Cottage tales | 37 comments
Dr Quito and Inca running off to enjoy the snow
I just wanted to thank every reader for checking out my last two posts. Readers are essential life blood for a blog. They keep a bloggers heart pumping.
I also need to thank all the readers who have made a comment on my last two posts. Initially I tried to answer each one but I quickly realised that I was getting out of my depth. I just had too much going on to give decent replies. Many apologies.
You comments have been a godsend. They make me think, give me courage and hope. And they often make me cry. Your thoughts and genuine goodwill have made me feel cherished.
The question that I’m looking at now is why do we need to mess it up and rock the boat? It happens in every walk of life. The knives in the back. Why the constant office politics? Why the need for marriage counselling? Why do so many close liaisons break down?
Why do we so often have the need to demean each other in close relationships? Is it just the need to say “I’m O.K. because you are not so O.K.” Why does our lack of confidence make us cruel so often?
It’s crazy but when things are going badly wrong in a relationship all the rest of the world seems to have got the answer. Even the birds seem to have happily paired up.
A few days after I had split up with Danny I walked to the village shop to buy some essential supplies. I’d braced myself for running the gauntlet of the shop – the heart of gossip in our small community.
What I hadn’t prepared for was meeting anyone on the way there.
I spotted a couple in their sixties walking towards me hand in hand. They looked so happy and content. As I passed them they had turned to examine a frosted spider’s web on a gate. They studied it in wonder and then they hugged.
I cried then – hot tears welling up. I wanted to pound the pavement with my fists. I considered turning back. How could I go to the shop with red eyes?
But I did. And when I eventually reached my gate again, they were just a bit ahead of me. Still exuding their happiness and love for each other. They had clearly stopped and stared at special things that I’d bullnecked past in my sorrow and rage.
I must admit that at the moment I’m happy being on my own. I think that it will be a long time before I would or even could actively look for a new partner. However that couple walking hand in hand in a sleepy village, passed by chance, gave me renewed hope in the human capacity to love unconditionally.
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I’m not surprised Danny is suffering from depression. Not only has he unnecessarily deprived himself of the joy and fulfillment of a close physical relationship for the past 12 years but the reasons why he has chosen to, show he must have some deep issues of his own. Whatever they may be they’re getting in the way and even if he had some tall, svelte beauty on his arm I suspect those issues would still get in the way of his happiness.
And for the record I’ve seen you on the TV in the last couple of years and you are in no way fat! Hubby always told me he didn’t like women who were too thin called them ‘filleted earwigs’ – a bit of covering makes you much more cuddly. 🙂
I wanted to leave a little message on the other 2 post but frankly my little heart broke for you to hear the news. I used to log on every week in a hope to read a little update and thought it strange everything was so very quiet on this lovely site.
I wish I could give you a hug, make you some homemade chicken soup and hold your hand to make you feel better. Am sending you lots of love and happy thoughts your way. Why does life have to suck so much sometimes? 🙁
crying sometimes is the only way to deal with things. Many a time I’ve sat on the train trying not to have a little cry at things. Also… anyone else ok at keeping the blubbing in until someone asks you “Are you ok??” and then it’s hiccup sobs and snot everywhere LOL 🙂
So glad you’re blogging again. Hugs
Your couple looking at the spider’s web made me think of some very good friends of mine. She is quite a bit younger than him – let’s say 15 or so years. When he retired he was healthy. Within months he had suffered several strokes. He is now physically mobile but has the mind of a child. She has given up her career to care for him. They would wonder, like your couple, at beautiful things, but she would be holding him by the hand to stop him wandering off. I had always assumed that he loved the most in their partnership. Now, she is demonstrating true love.
I am convinced that everywhere, in all people, there is something.
I was once told “It’s OK for you. You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth.” Well, I had a good job and a lovely home, but both my parents had died when I was a child. And my then husband had a problem with alcohol that would split us up. And add in infertility.
Some much of what people suffer is invisible. We would never have guessed about you and Danny.
Dear Fiona I too am a lurker and dont think I’ve written before but was wondering what had happened to you also as there were no new blogs. I’m so sorry to know what has happened and you know you are in everyones thoughts. Take care of yourself, much love M xx
Things take time, and I am glad that your head is not stuck down a loo. Just imagine, for every person who comments on your blog there are at least ten others out there who don’t but who sympathize with you. Life is such a rugged path sometimes, and all you can do is to put one foot in front of the other. I am glad to hear that you are o.k. when alone. Being alone is not a bad thing (being lonely is, though, unfortunately). I have found that any social contact can help to overcome the feeling of being lonely. Even a chat with someone about everyday stuff helps to lift the spirit.
I was getting all choked up about the couple that you saw on the way to the shop. They seem extremely lucky. Don’t feel too bad. For every good relationship out there, there are others where the husband comes home from work, nurses one beer can after another and only opens his mouth to drink or to call his wife some ugly names. Luckily, I am NOT speaking from experience.
We are all out there for you, girl! Thank God for the internet.
Everyone deserves some happiness whether that being part of a couple or alone.
We need to be a bit more like the American Declaration,
Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
I hope you feel better soon. Sending you a huge hug and Be Happy Vibes.
x
Dear Fiona – I am a long time reader/lurker and I have been very concerned for you. So glad to see you posting but sad to learn the reason for the long absence. I have an ex sister-in-law that had been sexually abused as a child. My brother was just sure he could make it all better. They seemed happy at first and had two boys they both loved and enjoyed. Then she started having many health issues like chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, migraines, depression – you name it she had it. She started abusing pain medications. She was miserable. Apparently through it all my brother demanded his needs be fulfilled and he wasn’t very sympathetic with her health issues. She left him (much to the shock of the family) and moved to Florida. She got her RN license back and started jogging and she is now the picture of health. She is happy and healthy with absolutely no symptoms of her previous health issues. She misses part of her life before but not enough to go back (and I do not think she should). Sexual abuse can have long tentacles – even when you think you have dealt with it. I think my brother just intensified the feelings she had as a child and mentally and physically she started destroying herself. I hope you find great happiness with yourself and a good group of friends – even Internet friends can be very good company! I think you are a wonderful person, writer, gardener and artist. I wish you the very best life!
You are coming out from under a dark cloud, Fiona. Just reading this post, I can see that although it’s a very tough time and of course you are upset, your natural resilience is starting to rise, and you are taking the right steps to deal with your depression. The situation was debilitating for both of you, and you both needed change.
I’m glad you’re blogging again, I think writing is very therapeutic (even if you don’t publish all of it). Sending more virtual hugs to you!
I’ve been checking by for months and months, but could see that you were tweeting, so just assumed you’d got fed up with blogging. Very sad to hear that you and D have split up. Remember, most people are lovely most of the time. We all fall into the trap of arguing and falling out with the ones we love, but it is our capacity to say sorry that sets us apart from others. In hindsight, I’m sure D will be regretting his harsh words to one that he has cherished, I hope he has the fortitude to say sorry. Not falling out in the first place would be wonderful, but that would be an idealistic view. Life will get better. Glad you are blogging again, virtual hugs to you. x