Our hearts are so precious. They need to be cherished.
Posted by Fiona Nevile in Cottage tales | 112 comments
Inca getting bored with being photographed
Danny and I are splitting up. It’s very painful and I’m feeling so sad and desolate.
We have been together for 15 years. We were always good friends. He has never ceased to be a fun, intelligent and charming companion. He has shared so much knowledge. He always surprised and entertained me.
He also loved my Min Pin dogs. Scorned by so many in the past.
Unfortunately physically I could never be the slim, svelte lady that he really wished to have on his arm. And there’s the rub for both of us.
It has been hard for me to look in a mirror for years.
In the end I think that we both realised that we had find separate paths.
Leave a reply
Your’s has been one of the few blogs I visit daily and like many others I had become increasingly concerned about the lack of new postings. I rarely posted a response to your posts, much preferring to lurk and learn from a clearly wise and beautiful soul (many of your recipes and even Light and Space paint have become features of my life! I even came close to getting chickens because of you!). It’s very sad what’s happened and here I am compelled to write and yet I struggle to find the words…all I want to do is give you a great big hug and make you great big cake. May a little more sunshine come in to your life every day and may the road ahead be straight and smooth.
Hello Terry
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to leave a comment.
Hugs and cakes even if the are virtual ones are always welcome at the cottage! The bigger the better.
I haven’t been around for ages but I’m sorry to hear this news. Words are not my strong point so I’ll share this instead:
Everything is beautiful, but not everyone sees it. ~ Confucius
Im beginning to warm to Confucious!
Thank you Barkingdog
Oh Fiona! When I saw you last week (or was it the week before?) I had no idea and you gave me no hints. How terribly terribly sad for both of you. If you need a cuddle, or a shoulder to cry on, just call xxxx
Hi Jane
This hadn’t happened then. It wasn’t planned or premeditated and happened so quickly. Row, small suitcase packed and D gone the next day.
But actually, looking back, it had been brewing for ages.
Thank you for leaving a comment. Much appreciated.
I’m so terribly sorry to hear you news and also to be among the last to express my sympathy and commiserations. I know that there are no words that will make this any better for you, but maybe this outpouring of love and concern for you on your blog will be of some comfort now in the time to come. You have touched the lives of many, in all sorts of special ways, and I and many others will be thinking of you and wishing you well in the weeks and months ahead XX
Hello Sue
You’re right.
I didn’t want to write this post. Like us all, I want my life to be good. I find it very hard to admit that things have gone so terribly wrong.
I have found everyones’ comments so helpful, reassuring and inspiring. Although I’d love to crawl into a dark space and hate the world I’ve been forced to attempt to address the situation and look closely at my options.
Thank you for dropping by and taking the time to leave a comment.
So very sorry F
Thank you Su 🙂
When going through my bloglist just now, I looked at the posting of a blog called 320Sycamoreblog.com of Jan.6. Have a look at this post if you like. I thought that it was strangely fitting!
Thank you Iris
Oh, Fiona, dear Lady! I am so sorry that you have to walk this path. You have kind words for Danny. Be equally kind to yourself. The outside of a person is never anything more than the outside. Don’t put yourself down. Nobody has ever been obligated to be a supermodel. Be really strong, hold your head high even when it is difficult and just know that kinder times ARE to come. Trust me! The secret is just to hang on tight until then. Be strong my girl!!
Fiona, hi, I know this will sound totally awful but I am SO relieved when I read your post!! I have kept clicking on my favourites and the home page kept showing me the same story about ‘PINK’ and the longer it went on I had convinced myself that you were seriously ill, or even dead, and Danny didn’t want to tell everyone!!!
I am so relieved the world hasn’t lost you xxx
As for your post to the reason why we haven’t seen you, I can only say I know this feels like the end of your world, and as a woman, I know we tend to turn the blame onto ourselves and our own insecurities, when sometimes we shouldn’t and its very far from the true reasons. But whatever the reason for your split, you will get over this, and sometime in the future, knowing the woman you are you will just turn the page and consider it another ended chapter. I know you have been ill over the last couple of years, and sometimes that changes the dynamics of a relationship, I know since I was diagnosed with epilepsy and graves disease and had to instantly stop working and driving ( and became practically housebound) it has put a huge strain on my marriage and I often feel ‘what is my husband getying out of being with me’? I am ill, can’t work, bedridden and depressed somedays. Only time will tell if his love endures this, but if it doesn’t, like you I would probably blame my weight or looks or even the fact that I had become a different person to what he ‘wanted’ or married. Please be strong Fiona and know you have many people who love you, including me. xx best wishes and hugs to you and the animals
Hi Mandy
It’s so good to hear from you.
I’ve often wondered how you were getting on out in the Fens. Now I hear that you are battling epilepsy and Graves disease. Oh you poor darling, let me give you a massive hug. Living far out in the country without a car is a nightmare. You must feel so cut off.
Yes it’s scary being ill for more than a week or so. You feel as if you have lost control. And in many ways you have – the illness seems to control you.
In the end you have to accept your limitations. I wake and stay in bed for most mornings. Had to accept it and grew to enjoy it – reading is my panacea – I have a Kindle and so many books are free or cheap. You can escape into someone else’s world.
The last week that D and me were together he made a joke about my reading in bed and actually I missed the jist of that joke. He told me twice that his half heard comment had been only a joke. I began to get the vibes that things were going pear shaped.
If you are ill you are not 100% but out of all the people that you know, that are not battling with some disease or other, how many of them are 100%. No one.
No living human can be 100% switched on to everything. Humans are fallible and that’s what makes them loveable.
Fiona, so terribly sorry, my heart goes out to you. But please, just read that last line you wrote to yourself over out loud a few hundred times. “Humans are fallible and that’s what makes them loveable.” From where I sit reading and lurking, I see an amazing lovely woman, who really should look in the mirror and see what we all do. It really isn’t you who should have gone to Specsavers.
Louise
Your comment about specsavers made me smile and I grinned all day when I thought about it!
I have spent the day thinking about the comments I read on here last night. The main thing that keeps niggling my brain is the whole ‘body size’ issue. I found myself thinking about my husband, he is 2 stone heavier than when we first met, and 3 stone heavier than the day we got married. I am at the moment just over a stone heavier than when we met, and 3 stone heavier than the day we got married 8 yrs ago( but i did get a bit bridezilla over my dress and went a bit far with the diet close to the day) But my point is, I look at Paul now, today, as I type this, I look over at him, and I am filled with as much love and affection as I did on our wedding day. I don’t see 3 stone more of him, to me its just him, and he for me is perfect. Maybe as women we ‘see’ with better eyes than men, or maybe our stimulus for affection is so different. I just wanted to say Fiona, whatever size, shape, or change happens, someone who truely loves you should see you with the same eyes that made them want to be with you at the beginning. Like many have said in their comments, you deserve to be truely loved for who you are, whatever you are, and however life moulds you, unconditionly. Don’t settle for less xx P.S Please eat more than sandwiches x
Love and comfort to you both! Many say shame on Danny, but I too have had trouble with the mirror, feeling un-lovely can be hard for a partner to deal with, hard for them to do right for doing wrong, hard to feel that efforts to change attitudes are for the right reasons. Eventually it made a barrier we couldn’t undo. The shame is that is has happened to the pair of you. The hope is that your friendship endures, and that awkwardness passes quickly. Good Luck!
Hi Liz
Your comment was very apposite. There is no ‘baddy’ in this case although of course a tiny part of me wants to be Princess Fiona 🙂 Since my sexual abuse as a child I’ve always had issues with low self esteem.
Thanks for making your point. Much appreciated!
Fiona, I’ve seen your picture – you look lovely. I’ve followed your blog since almost the beginning – it’s a wonderful creation…you are intelligent and talented and, though your health from time to time may let you down, it is quite obvious you have amazing inner strength. After the shock wears off you will pick yourself up and brush yourself down and we will all be here waiting for you to continue. Life is poo sometimes. My dear husband and best friend has just died and I really do not know which way to turn or how to continue my life at the moment but I know I shall because I too am strong. I just wish I had a project such as yours to spread the happiness and joy that you do. Go for it girl…catch yourself on and lets see the Cottage Smallholder grow and grow…we really do appreciate you.
Hello Dorothea
I have emailed you a response to your comment.
Just want to say how sorry I am that you have lost your husband. I know that your house is so silent now. You must miss that special language that you have evolved together over the years. The jokes when you just have to say one word and both dissolve into laughter. And there is an end to irritations too – I miss the fact that D seemed to sprinkle the work top with coffee granules every time that he made a cup. The waste!
Now the waste would be a joy.