Guinea pigs are heaven to eat
Posted by Fiona Nevile in Fun | 44 comments
Warning ! This post is not suitable reading for the faint hearted, it contains black humour.
Guinea pigs are a delicacy in Peru. I discovered that they are delicious raw.
One day I returned from my first wallpapering job to find The Contessa barking with delight from a pretty yellow silk button backed chair. Peeping out from a pile of cushions beside her was a tan shorthaired guinea pig with very bright black eyes. Not knowing quite how to deal with the situation I reached for the kitchen roll. My sister, who was with me at the time, couldn’t be bothered with my namby pambiness and pulled away the nest of cushions.
There was just the front of the guinea pig left. It looked as if it had been chopped with an axe. The Min Pins had eaten it, bones and all.
The next morning I woke to empty dog beds. Dr Q and The Contessa were out early searching the undergrowth. They spent all daylight hours in the garden for the next three weeks. They could smell live guinea pig but they couldn’t locate the mobile dish. This was because the other guinea pig had strayed into the front garden (the dogs have no access to the front garden).
I spotted the visitor a couple of days after the half eaten guinea pig episode. It appeared from the bushes when I opened the front door. A white, black and tan specimen that clearly was used to humans bringing breakfast. I rang Anne Mary immediately.
“What do guinea pigs eat?”
“Cauliflower, carrots, greens.”
This little fellow feasted on the fruits of our veg basket.
The next day he was there again.
“Can we keep him Danny?”
“No, we have too many pets. Perhaps we can locate the owner.”
I tried banging on doors. No one had lost a guinea pig. The next morning I warned the spotted creature of the dangers of wandering into the back garden. It stood quite still on small chez longe legs, small eyes meeting mine before it dragged the cauliflower head into the darkness of the brambles.
A week or so later, when the guinea pig and I were on first name terms, Danny and I passed a house with a smart hutch in the garden. The door hung open, inviting any GP with wings to fly up and roost.
“There you are, they must have come from this garden.” D pressed the doorbell.
“We’ve got a small guinea pig, living in our front garden and wondered if it belonged to you.”
“I’ve lost two! They belong to my daughter.”
“Well we just have the one.” Better not to mention the other.
She reached for a butterfly net, “I can catch him with this.”
The spotted guest didn’t appear for breakfast the next day so I stopped feeding him, imagining that he had been swept up in the net. I met the lady a month later.
“Did you have any luck with the butterfly net?”
“No. I returned several times without success. But yesterday morning, I looked up from my desk and spotted him sitting under the hutch in our garden!”
The prodigal guinea pig had returned.
Back at the cottage, my sister arrived with a present for the Min Pins. They unwrapped it with hunters’ glee. No messing with ribbons, just ripped the wrapping apart.
They attached themselves as one to this present. I beat them back to examine the trophy. It was a guinea pig toy, with a squeak. We christened him Snack. It seemed fitting in a ghastly sort of way
Snack is tossed aloft constantly. He still has a squeak, despite being abandoned in the garden on several cold nights. A living memorial to an afternoon of Min Pin foodie heaven. Inca loves this toy. She arrived well after the historic event.
Clearly late at night she has been told the tale.
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wow!!!
That opened a can of worms… I have read all comments made and there is some people out there who need to get a grip of reality….
I love my pets and therefor I make sure they’re not getting into harms way.
Making animals all vegetarian would kill them.
I thought it was a good tale to tell and hopefully people look after their pets after reading it.
Lena
There’s nothing remotely cute about the brutal death of someone’s guinea pig by your revolting dog. How would you feel if you found him cut in half by a fox??
well said pamela, both your posts.
Sad, but true, many pets are savage killers, at least the min pins enjoy their mobile meals – unlike my cat who torments things for hours, before abandoning the body untouched. Yes he has a bell, yes he is neutered and well-fed. These animals kills because they enjoy it, because it is instinct instilled in them for survival and unable to be bred out by us.
There are so many worse examples of animal creulty in the world, so many abandoned creatures, over-worked donkies etc, that i think it pretty silly to get upset over a sad, slightly tongue in cheek affectionate post has received so much bile.
I think it is a post that reflects the realities of life for many pet owners, fiona, and well-done for writing it in such an eloquent and touching way.
Well said Pamela. Those who are mortally offended should probably remember that it isnt compulsary to read on if you dont like what you are reading. It is perfectly acceptable to move to another area of the internet.
Personally I am just grateful there wasnt a recipe Fiona!!!
Teresa, you are, of course, entitled to your opinion and to feel as strongly as you do. But so am I. I also don’t see why those people who think Fiona was wrong to post this graphic tale should be the only ones to take umbrage. However, I had a hard time reconciling your revulsion to the way Fiona had described the scene with your claim that you would smash peoples’ heads in to protect animals. For me there was a hint of double standards. I would protect animals in danger if I could, but not to the point of going to prison for it. Animals act totally on instinct. Humans are supposed to be able to apply reason to situations, so actually smashing someone’s head in as opposed to just wanting very badly to do that, suggests to me the actions of a person who is poorly adapted to living in our society. I’m prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt (as I have no idea who you are) and believe that in spite of the vehemance of your statement, you probably wouldn’t actually do that. We don’t like the idea of our domestic animals behaving like killers, but the reality is that they are just that. We keep them well fed to reduce the need to hunt and would intervene if we arrived on the scene before the kill, but beyond that, they are what they are. If you had come across this description in a novel you were reading, would you have bothered to write to the author? Or more likely (certainly speaking for myself) would you just have closed the book and not read any more? Sometimes the immediacy of computers leads us to write with more emotion than we would otherwise allow ourselves to show if we had to go and find pen and paper and get round to actually addressing an envelope then posting the thing. Perhaps if I had gone away for a while and re-read my comment before posting it I might have modified how I made my points, but I don’t take any of it back now it is said.
Pamela, Steve, and Veronica,
Well said.
Fiona,
You’re my hero.
Everyone who posts here have the right to air their feelings including myself, I also live in the country I also know animals get killed sadly its its the way of life but what I am saying the words to describe the way this pig lost its little life was not put down in the best words, it would be very sad to see children find this post and read that, ok a coin is a coin but being tactful about things dont take much.
You will probably find others that come on here in time will think the same.
I would not use the words to describe what happened. I actually cried after reading what happened if I did not have feelings it would not have hurt, I guess people handle things in different ways but I personally thought it was a hertless to way to describe what happened.
Its a good job we are all different this world be so boring if we were all the same.
I’m with you and Pamela, Fiona. It’s quite clear from your post that you love animals, but bad stuff happens in life — and what happened to the guinea pig was really the fault of its human owners. I thought your black humour was quite appropriate in the circumstances!
@ Teresa Edwards:
>> I would do time in prison for smashing someones head in for being cruel,<<
seems you’ve got trouble understanding humour and suffer from double standards to me!
Hello Teresa
Thanks for making a comment.
I have let both your comments through but the last one is all in capitals and to me this seems like shouting. There is no need to shout. If you write like everyone else we can still hear you.
Pamela did not write this post. I did. Some people were offended by it and some people were not.
Life in the heart of the country is not always going out in a bonnet at dawn to pick primroses. There is more death than life out in the sticks. Most of the sheep that we see gently grazing in the field will be killed in abattoirs. Similarly most of the cattle. Even the racehorses will provide bones for the local dogs and the meat will be exported to France to be eaten.
Life in the country is undercut by death. We also have a higher incidence of people killed on the roads. Less people per square mile means less funding for safety provisions. Black humour is prevalent as a consequence.
This guinea pig would have been killed in nanno seconds by the Min Pins. They are not like cats, they don’t tease and torment their prey. It did look as if it had been chopped with an axe. Why make this detail more acceptable? It was ghastly. If you start reading an article entitled “Guinea Pigs are Heaven to Eat”, what did you expect to read?
I stand by my article. Read it again and you will discover that I do like guinea pigs and looked after the one that was living in our front garden for weeks. I also blocked the entry into our garden so it would not meet a similar fate to its friend. Despite advertising the owner didn’t come forward to rescue it.
Hello Pamela
Thanks for making a comment.
I posted this article and was amazed by the varied responses. I also got personal hate and love mail for the first time ever.
I think that the post is valid and balanced so it has remained on the site. And it will never be removed.