Guinea pigs are heaven to eat
Posted by Fiona Nevile in Fun | 44 comments
Warning ! This post is not suitable reading for the faint hearted, it contains black humour.
Guinea pigs are a delicacy in Peru. I discovered that they are delicious raw.
One day I returned from my first wallpapering job to find The Contessa barking with delight from a pretty yellow silk button backed chair. Peeping out from a pile of cushions beside her was a tan shorthaired guinea pig with very bright black eyes. Not knowing quite how to deal with the situation I reached for the kitchen roll. My sister, who was with me at the time, couldn’t be bothered with my namby pambiness and pulled away the nest of cushions.
There was just the front of the guinea pig left. It looked as if it had been chopped with an axe. The Min Pins had eaten it, bones and all.
The next morning I woke to empty dog beds. Dr Q and The Contessa were out early searching the undergrowth. They spent all daylight hours in the garden for the next three weeks. They could smell live guinea pig but they couldn’t locate the mobile dish. This was because the other guinea pig had strayed into the front garden (the dogs have no access to the front garden).
I spotted the visitor a couple of days after the half eaten guinea pig episode. It appeared from the bushes when I opened the front door. A white, black and tan specimen that clearly was used to humans bringing breakfast. I rang Anne Mary immediately.
“What do guinea pigs eat?”
“Cauliflower, carrots, greens.”
This little fellow feasted on the fruits of our veg basket.
The next day he was there again.
“Can we keep him Danny?”
“No, we have too many pets. Perhaps we can locate the owner.”
I tried banging on doors. No one had lost a guinea pig. The next morning I warned the spotted creature of the dangers of wandering into the back garden. It stood quite still on small chez longe legs, small eyes meeting mine before it dragged the cauliflower head into the darkness of the brambles.
A week or so later, when the guinea pig and I were on first name terms, Danny and I passed a house with a smart hutch in the garden. The door hung open, inviting any GP with wings to fly up and roost.
“There you are, they must have come from this garden.” D pressed the doorbell.
“We’ve got a small guinea pig, living in our front garden and wondered if it belonged to you.”
“I’ve lost two! They belong to my daughter.”
“Well we just have the one.” Better not to mention the other.
She reached for a butterfly net, “I can catch him with this.”
The spotted guest didn’t appear for breakfast the next day so I stopped feeding him, imagining that he had been swept up in the net. I met the lady a month later.
“Did you have any luck with the butterfly net?”
“No. I returned several times without success. But yesterday morning, I looked up from my desk and spotted him sitting under the hutch in our garden!”
The prodigal guinea pig had returned.
Back at the cottage, my sister arrived with a present for the Min Pins. They unwrapped it with hunters’ glee. No messing with ribbons, just ripped the wrapping apart.
They attached themselves as one to this present. I beat them back to examine the trophy. It was a guinea pig toy, with a squeak. We christened him Snack. It seemed fitting in a ghastly sort of way
Snack is tossed aloft constantly. He still has a squeak, despite being abandoned in the garden on several cold nights. A living memorial to an afternoon of Min Pin foodie heaven. Inca loves this toy. She arrived well after the historic event.
Clearly late at night she has been told the tale.
Leave a reply
I DONT EAT MEAT AT ALL NEVER HAVE, THIS PAGE IS FOR COMMENTS AND YOU GOT MINE AS I HAVE YOURS, YOU STARTED THE THREAD, TO SAY IT LOOKED LIKE IT HAD BEEN CHOPPED WITH AN AXE, WE DONT NEED TO HEAR THE SORDID DETAILS LIKE THAT, YOU DONT SEEN VERY UPSET, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHOOSE YOUR WORDS BETTER NEXT TIME.
Teresa, and anyone else who wrote in a similar vein – get a life. Yes we all like animals and it is human nature not to want animals, or people, to suffer. However, if you insist on anthropomorphising animals and expecting them to share your values, you will always be disappointed. Cats and dogs don’t see cute birds or mice or guinea pigs, they do see snacks. It is ANIMAL NATURE. Would you think it was so awful if the MinPins had a half-eaten rat instead of a guinea pig? Is it really any different to a pride of lions hunting down the baby or weak animals in the Savanah? Wild animals know they have to watch out for their young or they will get eaten. If humans are careless enough to allow domesticated animals to escape and the worst happens they only have themselves to blame. If my animal were to die like that I would be upset but I am more upset about animals dying of neglect and being kept in squalid conditions by their owners. So I just hope the GP had a nice adventure before meeting his untimely end.
I’m not a heartless person just realistic and whilst I agree it is sad for the GP, it is now just a story. I read this story at the time it was posted by Fiona and haven’t left a comment before but each time I read a comment saying how dreadful it was to say such things I became more and more annoyed so have finally decided to have my say. So if you have complained and you are not vegetarian, do you shed a tear for each piece of meat that ends up on your plate or do you tuck in without giving it a second thought? I eat both fish and meat, they are part of the food chain but if my dead body would keep someone alive after a plane crash then I would say go for it and live and don’t be sorry.
Well, I was obviously more rattled by this than I thought when I started writing.
To think of any animal being in pain or being killed fuels me, how anyone can think its funny or make jokes just shows that mentality of that person, I would lay my life on the line for any animal, I have several of my own, I would do time in prison for smashing someones head in for being cruel, the fact the guinea pig died that way is so sad, how dare anyone think its a joke, you sick ,,,,,,, I hope I dont ever come face to face with anyone who thinks its funny, every animal in this world deserves to be treated with love, respect and have the very best life you can give it,, I am so angry that some people have not given any thought as to what happened to that poor pig can you imagen the pain it went through.
I have to go now before I say something that wont be allowed.
its animal nature ;P what do you think happens to what we eat?
Hello Cake Eater
Guinea pigs are cute, I agree.
Glad that you can see the black humour in this post.
LOL, funny. half a pig. you all find it disgusting but its actually pretty funny. there’s no difference to your dog eating a chicken leg you’ve given him, except he’s found this particular chicken leg himself. Guinea pigs are cute.
this one got 0wn3d
hello, i have guinea pigs and cats…though my cats live with my parents. Which creates harmony for everyone lol.
But the point is, having cats you get used to them bringing in, dead, half dead, alive animals of all different sorts. And it’s a horrible thing, but it is natural. And i agree that the guinea pig owners were responsible for them, i would never dream letting my guinea pigs out in the wild. Coz ya know…there’s so many predators out there, and if that doesn’t get them…then the wheather does.
But at least now the dogs have something better to chew on lol. Also to stop them bringing things in, and hunting living things, might be worthwhile putting some chicken wire along the garden fences. It doesn’t need to be tall, a short one will do, so that small animals like cats/small dogs/guinea pigs and rodents will be put off. Therefore saving many lives 🙂
xxx
Hi Kate
Best that your son never knows.
it was horrific, my son still thinks the hamster just ran away, but as you have all said b4, its animal nature as cruel as it is
Hi Kate
Thanks for leaving a comment.
How terrible that your cat skinned your hamster, it must have been such a shock.
Our old dog Fly caught our hamster but we managed to retrieve him and he lived until he made the final great escape and disappeared upstairs never to be seen again.